She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
