After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
