we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My ass is underappreciated
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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