somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
