Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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