just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
