did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She bit a glass in half.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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