So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
