She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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