I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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