i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
