Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
