oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
