After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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