sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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