Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
