Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
