i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
