it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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