and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
