white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
