3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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