Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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