I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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