I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
