I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
