very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
