how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
