it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
