I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
