it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
