I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The Olympian is in my bed
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