He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
