im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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