My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
