fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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