I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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