at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
