She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
