Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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