a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
sex in a hospital.. check
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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