i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
