Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
