he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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