I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
