Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
