The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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