ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
