I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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