I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
